REPORT 5: Minneapolis, 11/5
After driving for several barren eternities through mountainous skeletal snowtop, finding passage beneath absolute darkness and landing ass in air on twisted alien lanes; we found ourselves alive in a whole foods 5 miles outside of Minneapolis. The store was over-run with sample foods: pepper jam brie, aged Wisconsin cheddar, garlic roasted beets, lemon dill tuna salad, all in tiny tasting cups. A cornucopia of sensations, colors, smells. We all ordered sandwiches on marbled rye bread except for Lee who ordered his on sourdough. Later on he admitted to regretting not following suit. It’s OK Lee! Next time.
Finally we arrived(late) to the venue, 1st Avenue and 7th Street Entry. Prince filmed Purple Rain in the 1st Avenue theater. Every time we have played in the past we performed in the small room, while bigger touring acts (much bigger) have played in the theater.

The "big ol band" for the evening, Insane Clown Posse, had taken up the entire parking garage with two touring buses, presumably one bus per band member, and two semi trucks loaded with Faygo, a brand of budget soda pop which they spray (in a gesture not unlike a pantomime jizz) all over their fans. An employee at the venue told me that ICP required 800 bottles of Faygo at every show, and came prepared with enough Faygo for 5 shows at any given time (4000 bottles). He also said they recently switched to Diet Faygo, because the damage to the venues was costing the band too much money in repairs.

Regardless it was a pain in the ass to find parking in Minneapolis as there was also a hockey game at the Target Center across the street, and a Jim Gaffigan comedy show on the street behind the venue. Downtown Minneapolis was on fire that night. We imagined the Juggalo fans would riot after a city enforced "all ages" curfew would cut the ICP show short. They would be met in the street by angry hockey fans, furious after a tragic zamboni accident abruptly ended the game. The crowds would unite in anger and storm the Jim Gaffigan comedy show, converting the crowd with the spark of revolution. The city of Minneapolis would crumble, its mega corporations;
Pepsi America, Target, and the Pillsbury Doughboy would all burn to the ground in a lake of never-ending consumer Fire.

I’m sure you all want to know what it was like to accidentally happen upon an
Insane Clown Posse. I will say that the show was very safe, and kind of normal. The Faygo displays were consistent, then redundant. The only moments when the show took a distinct turn in theatrical pace were during festive Faygo breaks. Though these moments felt more like Faygo excuses. Can we use Faygo as a verb here? As in, "do they really need another reason to Faygo everybody and everything?"

Faygo aside, They seemed like genuinely "good" clowns. They were entertaining, but didn’t do any tricks (Unless you count rocket- launching a bottle of Faygo from your hand 100 ft into the audience as a "trick").

Lee was nearly hit by a rogue Faygo bottle that had been deployed while he was trying to get a cap of the spectacle in slow motion for his Instagram. He was struck by a few drops of Diet Faygo, though nothing mortal. He left the show to go to the dressing room and clean his wounds.

Since this is starting to sound like an ironic concert review for a band which sells half the room to irony itself, let’s get back to our (WAND) show in the adjacent room.

Cory’s amp blew out during sound check, it was a total bummer, he let out several vocalizations, uttered words I dare not repeat. And then borrowed a very nice sounding twin reverb from "Cherry Cola".

The show was great, we really love to play Minneapolis. Or as Agnes put it: "there are worse places to play."

We stayed with our good friend Alex, ate pizza and listened to records. A favorite activity of the band.

The next morning Cory woke up and took his amp to be repaired at Twin Town guitars. If you are in Minneapolis and in a pinch, they totally saved our buns in several ways. He even fixed the bridge of Cory’s guitar. Chris is a very good amplifier and guitar technician, and if you don’t need any work done, the shop is also very well curated and reasonably priced.

Cory got a coffee next to Twin Town. It was a specialty artisan coffee. After consuming the coffee, Cory was hit with a spike of caffeine that had everyone worried. He exhibited all the symptoms of caffeine-psychosis (hot skin, euphoria, sweaty hands, screaming, happiness), luckily after a very late breakfast and a few well-timed bathroom breaks he was back to normal. What a relief for everyone!

We left Minneapolis for Iowa City around 5 o’clock and called the venue to inform them we were going to arrive after doors. "Classic" Wand.

*******************End of REPORT 5